The Time I Almost Died

This is a story about the time I almost died.  I was probably 10 or 11 years old, and my family decided we should have a little weekend vacation. Instead of going on a normal people trip, they thought it would be a good idea to go on a "float trip", which is code word for "Be really bored in a hollowed out tree on a river for about 5 hours."

 Even less exciting when it's actually a tree.

The trip went about as you would expect for the first 31/2 hours. Laying there, doing nothing. The highlight so far was stopping on an island to have a picnic, which was only exciting because I had to pretend we were deserted there and were going to have to live like we were on Survivor or Man vs Wild. But then I remembered they eat bugs and drink their own pee and things went back to being boring again.

Stuck on an island? Better drink my own... no, actually

I think I'll stick with the Kool Aid.

I made the mistake of thinking I wanted things to be more exciting, but little did I know how much I would pay for this.

We were floating down the river, minding our own business, when we hit an intersection in the river. We could take the wide, calm watered route, or we could take the route with 40 mph rapids with a tree hanging across half the river. I put on my best Rambo (Sambo?) face and paddled headlong into the rapids.

An accurate representation

Bam! Crash! Onomatopoeia! In a sudden whir I notice that I was hanging for my dear life onto a branch of the tree, with every memory flashing before my eyes, including a few other people's memories. This was it. Any minute now my grip would falter and I would be swept into the current of death, with no hope of survival. I then actually looked to see my dad only no more than waste deep in water, when I realized I could easily touch my feet to the ground. The day was saved!

And that's why you never EVER go on float trips.